


Never Let Go

by hemingwaysgirl



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Steve Rogers, Panic Attacks, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Religious Content, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, To Be Continued, To Be Edited, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-06 16:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14060973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemingwaysgirl/pseuds/hemingwaysgirl
Summary: By the time Steve Roger’s entered the world, the horrific collision between the RMS Titanic and the inconspicuous iceberg had faded into nothing more than a passing thought in most people’s minds. However in the Rogers’ household, the event would never be forgotten. (TEMPORARILY ON HIATUS)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This plot bunny refused to leave me alone... Please let me know what you think. Thanks!

Steve usually looked forward to movie night, but right now he would rather listen to a supervillain’s huge spiel about world domination than watch tonight’s chosen film. Each scene tugged at his darkest memories, pulling them to the forefront of his mind. He felt his tedious emotional control slipping as Jack and Rose confessed their love for one another, because he knew that it wouldn’t be strong enough to save them from the tragedy slowly unfolding.

 

Death waited just beyond the churning waves and would undoubtedly claim one of them - it was inevitable; the whole Romeo and Juliet dynamic promised a heart wrenching ending. Once the ship’s hull scraped the iceberg and the ocean water spilled into the passengers’ only sanctuary, promising them a cold and ultimately painful death, he struggled to take slow and deep gulps of air.

 

Within the next hour, he felt his composure completely shatter. Each breath swept out of him in uneven gasps, and his heart beat wildly against his ribcage. However, he couldn’t tear his gaze from the screen, no matter how hard he tried.

 

_Steve!_

 

The looks of fear and desperation etched across each person’s face as they watched the cold, icy depths approach them brought back memories of his own descent into the freezing unknown.

 

Furthermore, with her fierce determination and her playful demeanor, Rose embodied the inner qualities his mother had used to describe his Aunt Serena. And Peggy - with her fiery red hair, spitfire attitude, and soft heart - mirrored Rose’s mental and physical attributes so greatly that it took his breath away. He could also see a kindred spirit in Jack who was willing to die if it meant that the love of his life would survive.

 

“Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.”

 

“I’ll never let go… I promise.”

 

_Steve!_

 

The desperate shouting of his name barely penetrated the waves of misery flooding his senses. The roaring in his ears amplified, and he shivered as icy water filled his eyes, nose, and mouth, paralyzing him.

 

_Shit! Jarvis turn the tv off!_

 

* * *

 

July 1927

 

By the time Steve Roger’s entered the world, the horrific collision between the RMS Titanic and the inconspicuous iceberg had faded into nothing more than a passing thought in most people’s minds. Sure, a few people mourned the loss of life on the tragedy’s anniversary, though they quickly moved on with their lives the next day. However in the Rogers’ household, the event would never be forgotten.

 

On the eve of Steve's 9th birthday, he found a faded England newspaper clipping in a box of his late aunt’s things. His fingers delicately smoothed the wrinkled yellow page, before skating over the 1912 edition’s headlines:

 

**Titanic Sinks**

Great loss of life

World’s Greatest Liner Strikes Iceberg

 

Steve's wide blue eyes scanned the bold print immediately underneath these words, zeroing in on the following statement: **She was supposed to be unsinkable, but she disappeared into the black depths of the Atlantic Ocean only hours after being struck.**

 

He retreated to his room, and his mom found him there, teary-eyed and shaking with emotion as he poured over the article. Leaning against the door frame, Sarah Rogers studied her son.

 

“I don’t understand Mom. Why did they say it was unsinkable?”

 

“Oh, Steve,” she declared softly, “I don’t know for sure. From what I understand, an employee had stated that God himself couldn’t sink the ship. They were trying to make a point - or I guess, to let people know that the ship was safer and sturdier than previous ones.”

 

She took a deep breath, ran a hand through her strawberry blonde curls, and crossed the threshold. She sat beside him on the floor, mimicking his hunched over pose as she reached for his chin, tilting his bowed head in her direction. “It’s important that you understand this. Do not put your faith solely in men. If you do, you will certainly be misguided. You should trust God above all. Humans often forget that their knowledge is limited. They cannot foresee what will happen tomorrow or even a few hours from now. This is why arrogance is dangerous. It often leads to poor decisions that ultimately have negative consequences.”

 

Sarah swallowed hard, forcing the words past her dry throat. “The crew believed so strongly that their creation was indestructible to anything nature could throw at it that they failed to prepare the deck with enough lifeboats for all the passengers onboard.” She paused for a few minutes, allowing Steve to mull over the words.

 

Once Steve’s furrowed brow smoothed in understanding, she continued. “My point is: You should never let your pride outweigh your common sense, and you should remain humble toward God - never mock or disrespect him.”

 

“I won’t, Momma. I promise.” He paused, visibly hesitating. “What exactly does this have to do with Aunt Serena?” he asked, having already guessed the answer but hoping his assumption was wrong.

 

“She was on the ship, darling. She was housed below with the other third-class passengers. She and many others didn’t make it.”

 

Sarah explained that her sister, Serena, had accompanied her husband to England via train in order to help take care of his mother’s affairs following her passing. She had an adventurous spirit, so, naturally, she absolutely refused to stay behind and miss out on a chance to experience England’s fascinating culture.

 

They decided to embark on the Titanic for the return trip home. And the rest is history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, I am not trying to offend people or push my personal beliefs on anyone. Sarah Roger’s views are based primarily on her character’s religious background. From what I have read, I understand that she is Catholic, and a strong believer in God. I am a Christian, and I also happen to share many of her beliefs, but that is purely coincidental. Please keep the criticism constructive and respectful. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now presenting, chapter 2! I would recommend rereading chapter 1 (if you read it last week), because it has undergone some major editing. Thanks!

The uncharacteristic timidness of a deep, familiar voice slowly brought Steve back to the surface of awareness - melting the frozen fortress imprisoning his mind. He remained motionless as the voice continued speaking to him, allowing the sensation of security that enveloped him to rid him of the remaining panic. He focused on the person’s soothing timbre, hearing a few of the words as they tumbled out of his mouth.

 

“I still have panic attacks… started with Obie who… like a father to me… the arc reactor right out of my chest and then I find out… behind the whole Afghanistan ordeal and due to my oversight… weapons got into terrorist’s hands. I… responsible… death of so many innocent people.”

 

“Not your fault, Tony,” Steve croaked, blinking blearily down at him. The billionaire was kneeling between Steve’s legs, his hands resting on the soldier’s knees, subtly anchoring him to the here and now.

 

“Oh, thank God,” Tony breathed, exhaling a shaky breath. “You scared m… Jarvis.”

 

“Well, tell _Jarvis_ I apologize for worrying him,” Steve muttered, pointedly maintaining contact with Tony’s wide and slightly dazed brown eyes. “I’m fine now, Tony.”

 

“If I may, Sir, Captain Rogers’ heart rate is now within acceptable parameters.” Tony relaxed visibly, rocking back until his backside collided with the floor.

 

“That was intense,” Tony commented roughly, hanging his head and breathing heavily. Steve placed a warm hand on the back of his neck, kneading gently. He could feel the fine trembles racking his frame.

 

“You okay, Tones?” he asked softly, blinking back tears of shame and guilt.

 

“I’m good, Cap. Adrenaline crash… I’m used to it. Happens a lot after a mission.”

 

Tony raised his head, scanning Steve’s crestfallen expression. “Nope, not happening. You are not playing the self-blame game. Not for this. Not for having a perfectly normal human reaction. You have been through some heavy stuff, and you are allowed to feel, Steve. You were thrust 70 years into the future 6 months ago. Obviously, you haven’t had the chance to properly grieve for,” Tony gestured toward the now blank TV screen. “Everything.”

 

“Yeah, everything. I feel like...” Steve cut himself off, his eyes roaming around the deserted communal living room. “Where is everyone?” he asked.

 

“I kinda kicked them out. I told them to give you space, but they kept hovering over you and shouting your name, which sent you further into your head, so I told everyone to get lost. I mean, c’mon, they know better than to crowd someone during a flashback,” Tony replied, huffing in exasperation. “You were saying?”

 

Steve sighed. “I feel like this isn’t real. Sometimes when I go to bed, I pray that I’ll wake up in a hospital in 1945 and all this will be just a surreal nightmare. Every morning though, as I wake up to the sound of my neighbor’s heavy metal music, it becomes overwhelmingly clear to me that I can never go back. I am stuck in the 21st century.  It’s just hard to accept that.”

 

Steve paused, catching Tony’s troubled gaze before continuing. “But at least my ‘death’ served a purpose. It saved lives. In a way, it was worth the price I had to pay. But, Tony, those innocent passengers shouldn’t have died. Every death could’ve been prevented if only the proper precautionary measures had been taken.”

 

Tony studied Steve’s rigid posture and clenched jaw, as well as the tears that clung desperately to his eyelashes. He didn’t want to push, but he sensed that Steve was holding back a vital piece of information. And before he could open his mouth and question him about it, his hunch was proven right.

 

“My aunt was on the Titanic. And according to information I’ve read, she was probably barricaded below the deck, unable to even attempt to escape the vessel until the first class women had been ushered into the lifeboats. By then, it was too late for her and thousands of others.”

 

"Steve, I had no idea. That is just... wow. God, I'm sorry."

 

"Thanks, Tony. I mean, I never knew her, but her death still makes the tragedy personal for me."

 

"I get it, Steve. Believe me, I do. But you can't let their deaths destroy you. Whether you realize it or not, you are making a difference. You have prevented similar tragedies from occurring. You have saved countless lives. What you do is enough."

 

He studied the myriad of emotions swirling in the engineer's brown eyes. For the first time since he woke up in this century, he felt hopeful that one day he could accept the past and move on. But for now, it was okay to not be okay, because Tony understood and that was enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, and leave kudos if you liked it. Please keep the criticism constructive and respectful. Thanks!


End file.
